(Dateline, Columbia, South Carolina) Woody Tinsley, the founder of the Zombie Apocalypse Diver, has been chasing zombies for the past decade; now they are chasing him to Kids Sea Camp, Utila. This summer, we at Family Dive Adventures have gone off the beaten path by allowing Woody Tinsley, a Connecticut police officer, to teach a new PADI course. You may ask who Woody is. Where is he from? Does he really believe there are Zombies among us? And just how useful is this new Zombie certification?
I decided to meet with him last Friday, the day before the Utila, at our offices in South Carolina, to understand the man, the myth, and the legend behind “Zombie Apocalypse” and to get some questions answered.
On the surface, Woody seems to be a big, fun-loving, robust man. His background is complicated. Born in South Carolina in 1978, he was raised in Massachusetts and educated in New Hampshire. Unclear how a born southerner can become a Yankee, but I guess it happens all the time.
He learned to dive in the dark and cold quarries of New Hampshire. He believes he saw his first Zombie, but because visibility was so poor, he couldn’t tell whether it was a rare giant white New England catfish or the body of the living dead.
Woody is married to a lovely wife, has two beautiful children, a daughter, Belle, and a son, Rowen, as well as four rescued dogs. As I said before, on the surface, Woody looks and acts as normal as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The rest of this blog is based on the semi-true events that happened on July 19 in Columbia, South Carolina, at the office of Kids Sea Camp and Family Dive Adventures, before the trip to Utila. Believe what you can and try to understand the incredible mysteries of the coming Zombie conflict.
9:00 A.M.: Woody rushes into the office, out of breath and a bit pale. He grabs me by the collar of my blue Kids Sea Camp shirt and pulls me into a small meeting room.
“Is there anyone else here besides you?” Woody spoke in a hushed tone.
“Hi, Woody,” I paused,” Well, no. No, it’s just you and me?”
“Good, good,” Woody responded as he peered out a crack in the door and took a deep breath. “Let’s just be real quiet for a few minutes.”
“Why?” I became very nervous.
“Trust me,” Woody spoke softly but firmly, “ You don’t want to know right now.”
The lights flickered in the office, for a few seconds, the small meeting room went totally black, and then the lights returned. I was becoming more nervous by the minute. Woody simply smiled and, in a whisper, placed his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t move and don’t make a sound, and they will leave.”
9:15 A.M.: We sat in silence for ten minutes. I noticed calm and confidence oozing from the big police officer as he once again peered through the crack in the door.
“Ok,” he smiled, “Let’s do the interview, quickly. The quicker I leave, the safer you are.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, still unsettled from the first moments of his arrival.
“Since the last time we spoke,” He smiled and laughed,” They seem to be following me. I didn’t want to tell Margo, I really wanted to come to Kids Sea Camp and teach my survival Zombie skills. Sorry. Ok, so let’s get to it.”
I paused, questions raced through my mind. “They” seem to be following him? The Zombies? Did he mean the “Zombies” are following him? Will they follow him to Kids Sea Camp, Utila? My hands shook as I grabbed my pen and paper to do the interview. Woody sat directly across from me and grabbed my hands.
“Trust me,” He smiled, “Calm down, let’s do this, and I’ll get out of here. It will be alright.”
“Ok, Ok,” I said, “Here are the questions.”
Tom: As a police officer, have you ever met a real-life Zombie?
Woody: Surprisingly, not until recently, when I started to notice people staring at Candy Crush. But in all seriousness, Zombies are a real threat to society. All police officers undergo secret training to combat the coming zombie apocalypse. True story, we are all sworn to total secrecy, though, so no officer will ever admit it. Oh, wait, I just did, darn.
Tom: Do you believe there will be a Zombie Apocalypse?
Woody: It’s not a matter of if there will be one…it’s when. It’s coming, like the sun rising every morning. The apocalypse is coming! You saw what just happened.
Tom: Did you see World War Z?
Woody: Not only did I see the movie, but I also read the book. Seriously, Brad Pitt’s character is based on (Points to himself and smiles), that’s right, yours truly. The director asked me to star in the movie, but once the producer saw me in person, he said I was too handsome.
Tom: What is your favorite zombie movie or movies?
Woody: For zombie comedy or “Zom Com” (I just made that up), I love Shaun of the Dead! Warm Bodies is great too! For zombie horror, I’ll have to give a shout-out to “28 Days Later”, even though they technically aren’t zombies.
Tom: How many Kids Sea Camps have you been to?
Woody: This is my fourth Kids Sea Camp, although I like to think I’ve been to them all (in spirit). I’m just a big kid away.
Woody: Not only will the graduates have unique bragging rights as certified Zombie Apocalypse Diver, but they will also learn survival skills they didn’t even know they had, making themselves indispensable to a group of survivors!
Tom: From one to ten, how would you rate (ZAC) as helping our Kids Sea Campers survive a Zombie attack?
Woody: One. And with my expert help, they could get up to a three, maybe a four, but to be honest, only Chuck Norris and I rate at 10’s. You want me around when the whole thing goes down. It’s gonna be bad.
Tom: What’s the best thing about Kids Sea Camp?
Woody (laughing): Well, the best thing is, well, me. But the second-best thing is meeting interesting people from around the world and having a great adventure in the process.
Tom: What are your favorite Kids Sea Camps?
Woody: I keep holding out for Kids Sea Camp: New Jersey, but for some reason, it keeps getting pushed back; hopefully, next year. But I couldn’t fairly pick a favorite; each Kids Sea Camp is such an amazing time!
10:15 A.M.: The small room became quiet as Woody acted as if he was listening to something outside the room.
“That’s it. Thanks for coming down to Cola,” I said, relieved and feeling much safer than at the beginning of the meeting.
Woody looked at his watch on his left hand as I shook his right hand, “Not a problem, Tom, tell Margo I said hi. But I’ve got to go.”
Woody rose from his chair and moved toward the door, and the room suddenly went completely black.
“Crap,” Woody said. “They’re back! How the heck will I catch my flight to Utila?”
To be continued. . .
The certification is to assist parents and other adult family members who want to update and refresh some of the basic skills learned during previous dive training. Also, part of the program is education and becoming more aware of the environmental issues and concerns affecting the regions they are currently diving in.
Because we’re all kids at a Kids Sea Camp week! The online article mentions Bonaire, Buddy Dive only — but we all know how many weeks and the islands we go to over the course of the year. All the weeks are great for the diving family on holiday.
My wife and I found ourselves in this boat after our boys were born, and although I still managed to finagle my way back in the water every now and then, Carol and I rarely”‘buddied up” underwater, and we certainly weren’t planning vacations that revolved around diving like we once did.
I decided to meet with him last Friday, the day before the Utila, at our offices in South Carolina, to understand the man, the myth, and the legend behind “Zombie Apocalypse” and to get some questions answered.